My babies were little when September 11 happened. Hubby and I did our best to shield them, but our best was not enough for the constant barrage of images and stories coming through the TV and radio. Nothing was sacred, not even Children’s shows, with interruptions and live updates every 15 minutes. So we declared a total daytime media ban, recording the news to watch later when they were tucked safely in bed.
Their Wiggles videos got a good workout during those days.
It’s harder now to shield our kids, it’s not just TV and radio, we have the internet to contend with. Our kids have access to the world in their hands. Even news updates that are meant to be ‘safe for little ears’ are not that safe really, especially with the constant updates about Novel Coronavirus.
And while we are panicking, who’s looking out for the kids?
As children grow and develop they become more aware of the world around them and their place in it. By the age of 8, many kids understand that what happens in the wider world could conceivably happen to them too. For some children this realisation comes earlier.
So what can we do to protect our kids?
As parents, the way we respond can go a long way towards helping our kids cope. They look to us first for clues on how they should respond.
I’ve put together 5 coping strategies for kids. This list is of course not exhaustive and if your child is experiencing anxiety that is affecting their ability to cope with their day to day, your first port of call would be to visit your GP, who can refer you to the appropriate supports.
- Listen and Validate – It can be difficult to see our kids struggling with fear and anxiety, and it’s only natural that as parents we would do anything to take that anxiety away. There’s nothing wrong with wanting our kids to be happy, but trying to talk them out of being worried, scared, or sad only makes it worse for our kids. They come to us for support, yet when they’re met with platitudes and empty promises about how everything is going to be OK, when we tell them that they’re OK even though they don’t feel OK, our kids just feel alone and misunderstood. Words aren’t always helpful. At these times the best we can do is listen and validate. As much as we wish we could, we can’t always make things better. And it’s OK to admit that. It’s OK to say “this is really scary, I understand why you’re worried and I wish I could make this better for you.” And listening isn’t just about what they say, it’s also about watching. Watch for body language, changes in behaviour, regression, all of these could be signs that your child is worried. By looking beyond behaviour and words, by stepping into our child’s shoes and really trying to see the world through their eyes, we send a strong message to our kids that they are not alone. And that in itself can be a powerful antidote to anxiety.
- Less Screen Time – Not just for the kids, but for you as well. If you’ve got the radio on you’re hearing an update every 30 minutes at least. In a normal workday that’s at least 16 updates, more if you’re driving to and from work. Is it really necessary? Is it helping you? Is it helping the kids to hear about it constantly? Think about what’s coming across the radio when the kids are in the car with you. You may think they’re not listening, but they are. And for sensitive kids, those kids who are deep thinkers, this can be very problematic. They’ve heard the updates on the way to school, and they’ve not had a chance to debrief with anyone during that morning rush. This information will sit on their heart all day, being carefully mulled over as the day passes. You pick them up from school, there’s another news update, and at least one or two more over the TV before the night is out. Then there’s the screens and computers in our kids’ rooms, unmonitored. This information overload is a slippery slide for developing hearts and minds.
- More Play Time – Play is one of the best defenses against anxiety for our kids. And it’s through play that our kids can begin to make sense of the world around them, this includes giving them a better perspective. When our kids are playing they are engaging their Creative Brain. The Creative Brain is vital for developing coping strategies and resilience. It is through Dreaming and Imagining that Hope is born, because when we ask What if? we give birth to ideas, ideas that answer questions like What can I do to feel better? What do I need to feel better? or Who can I talk to, to feel better? We can help our kids get the most out of the benefits of play by providing opportunities for them to engage as many of their senses as possible – movement, touch, sight, sound – all of these can help calm a child. Be careful not to overload your child though. For some kids just feeling the sand between their toes is a calming experience, others may prefer full flight on the swing, high jumping on the trampoline, and still others may like nothing more than to smell the roses, hug a Teddy, or listen to the birds sing.
- The Arts – While play provides opportunity to create through problem solving, exposing our kids to the Arts will engage their Creative Brain on a whole new level as their imaginations run wild. It also provides an important escape from the sadness and worries around them, giving kids the opportunity to regroup and to restore Joy, an important weapon against anxiety. And while drawing, cutting, gluing and painting are great fun and fantastic creative outlets, there’s other ways to expose our kids to the Arts. It could be as simple as listening to music. If your child doesn’t seem interested in music, try experimenting with different genres. Perhaps they haven’t heard the music they like yet. Try exposing them to different styles like Opera, Classic, Country, Rock, Jazz etc. You may be surprised when you hit upon their favourite. For some kids it’s looking at art (visit a Gallery), sculpting (with clay or playdough), building (blocks or Leggo) or getting lost in a great story, whether it be a good book, a play or a pantomime.
- Debrief – This is my favourite part. We’ve all heard about the importance of keeping a Gratitude Journal, but this goes a little deeper. Every day, as our kids are unwinding, we can help them debrief by asking three simple questions. First – What is one thing that was good about today? This is the Gratitude part, and you can make the most of this by suggesting your child keeps a journal. There may be times when he or she can’t think about anything good, this is where the journal comes into its own, as positive inspires positive, and gratitude inspires even more gratitude. Second – Was there anything about today that you didn’t like? Note the deliberate use of Was there, rather than What. This gives our kids the opportunity to talk out their fears and heavy feelings, without the implication that there must have been something negative. And it’s the perfect opportunity for us to Listen and Validate. Finally, ask What’s one thing you’re looking forward to about tomorrow?
I like that last question, this is where we really get to Dream and Imagine and give birth to Hope. And we could all do with a little more Hope, couldn’t we?
Expat Families will be facing additional challenges during this time, particularly with the uncertainty around when you will be able to return home to reconnect with loved ones. The following link will take you through to an article I wrote for OurGlobetrotters to support expat families during these times.
Family Separation through the Pandemic: 5 Tips for Supporting Children of Expatriates
About the Author
SARINA ELDER
Sarina is a Writer with a passion for Making A Difference (MAD).
As a first generation Australian who struggled with cultural identity as a child, Sarina understands the importance of Being, Belonging, and Becoming as a fundamental need in all of us, regardless of age.
As a misunderstood Creative, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her adult years, Sarina is particularly passionate about supporting others to identify and release their Creative, or the Creative in their children, and to embrace the Neurodiversity that accompanies Creativity.
Sarina believes the best way to embrace ourselves is through laughter, and is open to sharing her own stories with the hope of encouraging others.