I first met Kate (not her real name) at a small gathering and even though she wasn’t the host, I soon sensed that she was the glue that held this friendship group together. As I spoke with some of these women I asked how they knew Kate and the response from each was almost identical. She was the first to give a smile in the shopping mall!
Soon jokes started flying around about how Kate visits the shopping mall to pick up women by smiling at them!
But all jokes aside, each of these women’s lives were impacted in a special way by a simple yet kind gesture that is painless and free to give.
The other day I was sitting in Kate’s lounge room, talking about the idea that when we get to heaven we’re going to meet people we’ve impacted without even realising it, just by a small gesture that we may not have even thought about.
Kate exclaimed Of course! I’m alive because of a smile and that’s why I smile at strangers!
Alive because of a smile.
Kate was going through a very difficult period in her life, as the demons from experiencing date rape continued to haunt her several years afterwards. As is often the case, the perpetrator was never brought to justice, which sent Kate spiraling further into a deep pit of depression.
In an effort to heal, Kate sought counselling. After many sessions the Psychologist could see that Kate had built an impenetrable wall around herself and suggested that the only way she could tear that wall down and finally heal would be through hypnotherapy, which meant reliving that awful night.
Kate says – That wasn’t going to happen! She had suggested it before and I had always skirted around it, but this time there was no getting away from it. Next session I was coming in for Hypnotherapy. But I had decided there wasn’t going to be a next session. I said goodbye and left in my usual way, but she didn’t know that this time I wasn’t coming back.
I headed down the staircase which lead into a beautiful Mexican style plaza, with colourful mosaic tiles and the most beautiful fountain in the middle which always caught my attention. I had always enjoyed walking down that staircase and spending time by the fountain.
But not today.
Today I wasn’t looking at the fountain or the beauty of the courtyard. Today my focus was on other things. I was going home to finally put an end to the pain and was planning out every aspect of how I was going to do it, ensuring I didn’t survive and with the least amount of impact on whoever would find me. I was finally at peace, it was all about to end.
And then I saw her!
She was standing by the fountain. I don’t know if she was an Angel but she was certainly my Angel that day. I will never forget what she looked like, I can see her as clearly now as if it were that day. She was beautiful, her clothes were free flowing, with long blonde hair and the most striking smile. When she looked at me and smiled it was like she could see right into my heart. In that moment her smile was so beautiful it was as if a light shone all around her.
That’s when something in me woke up and screamed WHAT ARE YOU DOING KATE???
She didn’t know me. She didn’t know my story. But she SAW me. She ACKNOWLEDGED me. Her smile saved my life and that is the reason I smile at strangers. Because I don’t know their story, but I do know the power of a smile.
And this is what astounds me about Kate, the extent of her love for others. Kate will always carry the pain of her experience, but rather than allowing it to keep her captive, she chooses to step out from behind the wall, using her experience to inform her compassion. And in so doing she has not only found meaning in her pain, she has also gained the final victory over her demons.
You won’t see the pain that she carries, because Kate smiles to tell you that you are not alone. You have value. Your pain, your history and your experiences do not not define you. In her smile is the greatest gift of all.
I have always known that the most profound impact can come from the smallest of actions, but Kate’s story inspires me to step out from behind my wall and put that knowledge into action.
What about you?
About the Author
SARINA ELDER
Sarina is a Writer with a passion for Making A Difference (MAD).
As a first generation Australian who struggled with cultural identity as a child, Sarina understands the importance of Being, Belonging, and Becoming as a fundamental need in all of us, regardless of age.
As a misunderstood Creative, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her adult years, Sarina is particularly passionate about supporting others to identify and release their Creative, or the Creative in their children, and to embrace the Neurodiversity that accompanies Creativity.
Sarina believes the best way to embrace ourselves is through laughter, and is open to sharing her own stories with the hope of encouraging others.