‘Authentic’ seems to be a bit of a buzz word lately. But what does it really mean? Does anyone know how to be authentic? Do we really want it and do we honestly respect it when we see it?
I often define Authentic as Being Real. It’s a ‘What you see is what you get’ kind of Real. The kind of Real that is prepared to stand stripped, bare and naked before you (metaphorically speaking). No barriers, no masks, warts and all.
And I have to ask, based on this definition – Is anyone really 100% Authentic? The reality is, we all have our hidden bits. These are the bits that we hide from ourselves because they’re just too awful to contemplate, so those bits can’t possibly belong to us. And we hide them from others because they would reject us if they knew.
So no, I don’t believe anyone is ever 100% Authentic.
But what does that mean for us? Do we just abandon the concept of Authenticity altogether?
My good friend Mary made a very wise observation when we were discussing the meaning of Authentic at a recent Think Tank event. Mary put it to us that in the very act of seeking Authenticity, it could be said that we are in fact being Authentic. So being Authentic then becomes a process.
Or to use another trendy phrase – it’s the journey, not the destination.
I don’t believe we can begin the process of being Authentic without self awareness and self acceptance.
Radical Self Acceptance
Self awareness, to me, is about identifying all the different facets of who I am. Paul put it beautifully in his letter to the Corinthians, when he instructed them to be ‘all things to all people’ in connecting with others.
But how can we be all things to all people without losing ourselves in the process? Isn’t that the very antithesis of Authenticity?
No. In fact I believe that it is in ‘being all things to all people’ that we find a key to being Authentic. Because in order to meet people where they’re truly at and connect with them, you have to know yourself well enough to dig deep and pull out those facets of your personality that will relate with the other person. This takes an enormous amount of self acceptance because sometimes those facets of our personality are buried deep for a reason. They may be attached to memories or experiences we don’t like. Or they may just come from that part of ourselves that we don’t really like that much and would rather pretend didn’t exist.
The thing is, those bits are there, they are real and they are an important part of who you are. In an earlier piece I wrote about the importance of accepting those bits about ourselves we don’t like because everything serves a purpose. Not only that, more often than not these bits aren’t all bad, we’ve just been made to feel bad about them. But why should we feel bad about who we are? We are all multi faceted. Diamonds in the Rough. When a diamond is polished it displays a myriad of colours. Just because you don’t like one or more of the colours, it doesn’t mean they don’t belong. Without all of the facets and colours, the diamond would lose part of its brilliance and beauty.
Courage and Vulnerability
While self awareness and self acceptance are the beginning of Authenticity, we won’t find it without Courage. The courage to know that in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in showing who we really are, we face rejection and fear. Not our fear, the fear of others. The ones who say they value Authenticity, but when you show them your true self, they don’t know or accept themselves enough to be able to ‘be all things’ to you. So instead they reject you. Telling you that you’re too much, too loud, too weird….
And so the cycle continues. If we can’t truly appreciate every facet and colour of who we are, how can we begin to appreciate it when someone else gives us the gift of showing us their colours?
I am grateful for those in my life who’ve had the courage to be who they are. In so doing they have given me a beautiful gift. These are the ones I feel safe with. They have allowed me to see every facet and colour of their heart, and they have inspired me to have the courage to know and accept myself.
And this is where the magic happens! It takes courage to be Authentic, but there is freedom in stepping over that barrier. So let your colours shine. There may be some who don’t appreciate or respect it, but that’s ok, they’ll get over it 🙂
As they say – Those who care don’t matter and those who matter, don’t care!
About the Author
SARINA ELDER
Sarina is a Writer with a passion for Making A Difference (MAD).
As a first generation Australian who struggled with cultural identity as a child, Sarina understands the importance of Being, Belonging, and Becoming as a fundamental need in all of us, regardless of age.
As a misunderstood Creative, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her adult years, Sarina is particularly passionate about supporting others to identify and release their Creative, or the Creative in their children, and to embrace the Neurodiversity that accompanies Creativity.
Sarina believes the best way to embrace ourselves is through laughter, and is open to sharing her own stories with the hope of encouraging others.