About Grace

What is grace? What does it mean?

I’ve been reflecting a lot about grace this week. It came after a conversation with someone near and dear to me. I wanted to talk, she didn’t. Apparently housework was more important than my story. In one short statement I was cut open and an entire lifetime of hurt and criticism poured out.

You talk too much!

Yibbada Yabbada Yibbida Yabbada– Do you ever stop?

No one will ever want to marry you, you’re too deep!

Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve!

Tone it down!

You’re just too much!

I called my brother, I knew he would have words for me. He speaks my language, he speaks pictures. And the picture he gave me was perfect.

Sarina, you can’t get lemon juice from an orange.

It’s important to note that in our family we love lemons, so this was in no way a character statement. My brother was simply using pictures to remind me of a truth I’ve always known. You can’t expect something from someone that they’re not able to give.

So what does it look like for me to extend grace towards another?

Forgiveness, Trust, Faith and Relationship are four important words that come to mind.

And Love. Love covers over all offences (Prov 10:12)

Grace may excuse an offence but in no way does grace provide an excuse.

Grace comes with high expectations – a little higher than someone is capable of but not so high as to be unattainable. It’s like teaching a child how to walk, you stand back just a little so that they can reach you in a few shaky steps, but too far back and they will just fall in a heap. This is the Faith part of grace. You have enough Faith in the other that you know what they are capable of achieving.

Both Faith and Trust come from Relationship but Trust is slightly different. The Trust part of grace is knowing, trusting, the heart and intent of the other.

And this is where Love comes in, because it is only when we look through the eyes of Love that we can step outside of ourselves for long enough to see the heart of the other.

Back to the near and dear one – though her inability to listen to my story at that particular time sounded awfully close to the criticisms from my past, it wasn’t about that at all. You see, those hurts that I harbour had turned her statement into one about me. But when I got outside of myself long enough to look deeply into her, I saw that she does love me, she does appreciate me, but at that particular time she just didn’t have it in her to listen. And I saw that her offence was no worse than mine. In fact it was exactly the same. She was looking inward.

So if I am able to extend grace towards another, how much more so will God extend Grace towards me?

Forgiveness. Trust. Faith. Relationship. Love. These are the eyes through which the Creator God looks at me. And it means that I am OK.

In fact, I am more than OK. I am Enough!

Which leads me to the last bastion of grace, and possibly the most important. My Grace towards me.

That’s a tough one isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I personally find it so much easier to extend Grace towards another than it is to extend Grace towards myself. It’s that internal perfectionism that allows me to forgive others much more readily than I am able to forgive myself.

So what can I do about it?

Forgiveness. Trust. Faith. Relationship. Love.

If I Loved myself enough to open the door for Faith and Trust in myself to do better, that’s when Forgiveness would come. That difficult, elusive, self forgiveness that is necessary for extending Grace towards myself.

But what about Relationship? Is it even possible to have a relationship with yourself? That’s one for me to ask the voices in my head. I’ll get back to you on that one 🙂