Being Dad: What it means to be a father.

My girls weren’t really into the Bratz series in a big way, which is why I was surprised when I returned from a four day conference to the news that daddy had watched three episodes with them. The following year, while I was preparing to leave for conference, I overhead my daughters making their own plans for what they would get up to while I was away. The conversation was punctuated with the kind of giggles that told me they were plotting, not planning, and it went something like this –

Second daughter – Remember last year when we asked daddy to watch Bratz with us and he did? What can we make him watch with us this time?

First daughter – This time let’s choose something that we really like. Bratz was boring!

This still makes me smile. Their father is into Star Wars and Lego, he would have loved to have had a son or daughter who would share his passions and give him an excuse to buy the latest toys and gadgets. Instead, he got two girly girls who were into pink frills, dolls and Barbie. He has sat through every Barbie move, every episode of Hannah Montana, participated in countless tea parties with dolls and birthday parties for the dog and every other girly activity you can think of.

And he’s a real man! A strong man and a good father.

There are few things as romantic as seeing a man interact in a sensitive and meaningful way with his children.

I would say that there are few things as romantic as seeing a man interact in a sensitive and meaningful way with his children. It’s often said that our children are really just our hearts running around outside our bodies. I certainly feel that way about my children. Well most of the time I do. OK, when they’re sleeping! The point is, that for me at least, (and I’m sure there are other women who would agree) how he loves my children is a reflection of how much he loves me.

But it’s not all about me.

Children glean so much of their self worth through these interactions. So when my girls were asking their father to sit through a Bratz marathon with them, which was almost as painful for them as it was for him, they weren’t being brats themselves, they were testing. They were asking How much are we worth? And their daddy passed the test with his response You’re worth this much!

Of course, when the plot was revealed a year later, he got them back by making them sit through The Empire Strikes Back 🙂

Regardless of how much has changed, one thing remains. Children need to feel valued.

It’s so hard for men these days, particularly those born in the 60s and 70s. They were taught that real men don’t cry, don’t play with dolls, don’t wear pink etc. Fast forward twenty years and the boy has become a man with children. Daughters who want him to play dress ups and watch Barbie movies, or worse, sons who are into the arts when ‘everyone’ knows that a real man is into sport, fishing or hunting (yes, I’m being facetious).

So much has changed so fast, you can forgive a man for getting confused!

Regardless of how much has changed and continues to change when it comes to societal expectations around gender roles, one thing remains. Children need to feel valued.

If you want your child to know, truly know, their worth, then you must speak their language, and see the world through their eyes. As the parent, you are the adult, so you need to take the lead. And when it comes to being the adult in your child’s life, there are going to be times that you need to become a child again. This is where it gets difficult, especially if your childhood experiences weren’t positive or you didn’t feel valued as a child. But healing can come when you focus on being the parent your child needs.

Fortunately, children can make great leaders if you give them the opportunity. If you really want to know, your child will show you, even tell you, what’s important.  But first, they just need to know that you’re going to love them anyway. And there’s no better way of demonstrating love than by making an effort to get involved in their world.

And it’s never too late to start.