The Hard Truth

Facing the Truth About Yourself.

We often talk about accountability, but how many of us are really willing to put it into practice? It’s one thing to be accountable when it comes to reneging on an agreed action or a goal, it’s uncomfortable but we can take it. Being accountable to a good friend is different, this means facing the truth about yourself. It stings!

If you had someone in your life who was willing to pull you up on your behaviour, to tell you when you were behaving in a way that was incongruent with your values, would you be willing to hear it?

In the movie Little Women, Meg March has such a friend in Laurie. Earlier events had lead to Meg donning a silk gown (even though she is against wearing silk due to the slave trade) drinking wine and generally behaving in a manner that was against her values. Laurie confronts Meg in front of her new friends about her behaviour and choice of dress, and reminds her that she is part of the temperance movement, so why is she drinking? Meg is brought down to earth with a thud and runs home, feeling angry at Laurie, but also embarrassed and ashamed.

Later, Meg thanks Laurie for reminding her of who she is, even though it was painful for her to hear.

The most important things in life

Like most of us, Meg had allowed herself to become distracted by the shiny things that life throws at us. Those things of temporary value that take our eyes off the things that are important to us.

What are the shiny things that distract you? Acceptance is a strong one. As is recognition, financial gain, business success, awards, being in a romantic relationship, belonging, fitting in….

None of these are wrong. In fact many of them are fundamental needs. The problem comes when we seek to attain success in these areas by compromising our core values. It’s an easy trap to fall into because living by your values can sometimes feel like you’re swimming against the flow. It’s hard!

In Meg’s case, the ‘shiny thing’ was the feeling of being accepted and belonging in society. That desire distracted Meg long enough to cause her to lose sight of her values. Ironically, Meg despised the values of this society that she sought acceptance from, but in a moment of weakness she had lost sight of that.

Luckily for Meg, she had a friend who cared enough to be honest with her before she allowed herself to get too lost.

The qualities of a true friend

We could all do with a friend like Laurie. Someone who has the courage to be honest with us about our behaviour, who is not afraid to tell it how it is.

The hard truth.

How do we find such a friend?

I’m not sure if such a friend is found so much as he or she is allowed. You see, in order for someone to have the courage to tell us the hard truth, they have to know that we will be prepared to hear it.

The thing is, the only one who will have the courage to put themselves out there and tell you is usually the same person you love and admire the most. The same person who knows and respects your values, and cares enough to see you being true to those values. Hearing the truth from that person is not easy. It stings.

But if you’re prepared to hear it, the sting of that truth will save you from a lot of hurt – the hurt that comes from losing self respect. Because at the end of the day, when you let your values go in an attempt to gain a shortcut to what you want, you are letting yourself down more than anyone else.

So, are you prepared to hear it?

Do you respect yourself enough to allow someone to give you the hard truth when it’s needed?