A few years ago I attended a business conference for women and the theme was Unmask Your True Potential. Many of the workshops were on how to love yourself, and finding your strengths. On the last day the presenter had the room buzzing with anticipation, and a little fear, as he had asked us to come prepared to the final session with our toiletry bags. When we arrived we were all given a hand mirror, and then the unthinkable happened. He asked us to remove our makeup, look in the mirror, and think about what we saw.
Just in case you missed that last sentence, let me put it to you again. A very brave man asked 200 strong, beautifully dressed and already emotional women (remember it was the end of the conference), to remove their make up right there in that room, in front of everyone else, then look in the mirror and contemplate what we saw.
The emotion in that room as 200 women came to terms with what we were being asked to do was palpable. Tears began to flow and you could almost hear hearts beating faster.
I have to admit that for me, this part wasn’t so stressful. Allergies had put paid to me wearing makeup long ago. The looking in the mirror bit? That’s a different story, I was never too keen on that.
Then things took a turn for the worst. This very brave man asked us to turn to the person next to us and describe what we saw. Are you kidding me?? Judging by the intense emotion that filled that room I don’t think there were very many of us who were able to give a positive description, perhaps a luke warm description at best. It was an incredibly powerful and moving experience. And very interesting to watch.
Why do we do this to ourselves? A better question might be – Whose standards are we judging ourselves by?
From the moment we are born we are receiving messages about our place in the world, our worth, our potential. Each message, each experience, regardless of how profound or seemingly insignificant, is securely filed away. Over the years we continuously add evidence to this file, building an impressive case against ourselves as to why we’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not clever enough, not anything ENOUGH!
And not once do we ever ask ourselves the one very important question. Who says? or By whose standards am I judging myself by?
If we’re honest, the standards and beliefs we have built about ourselves often come from the people we wouldn’t want to emulate anyway.
Or it could be from an experience that occurred when we were younger. So many of us allow a five year old to hold us back. For example, I recently heard of a woman who was a brilliant public speaker and on the verge of quitting because she believed she wasn’t good at speaking, that no one wanted to hear what she had to say. Her life coach helped her to unpack this belief and identify where it started. She found the source, an event that happened over 40 years ago. As her father was trying to work she was following him around talking to him about all manner of things. Her father was trying to concentrate and finally he said OK, enough, be quiet now! In that moment, her five year old mind told her that she had nothing important to say. Of course as an adult she understands that this is not what her father was saying to her, yet without realising it, this woman had carried this false belief around with her for the rest of her life.
So again, I’m going to ask you By whose standards are you judging yourself?
Some of you might want to close off with that thought. But for those of you who believe in a Higher Being, I’d like to share something more with you.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image….
At the very least, regardless of religious affiliation, most people understand that when we talk about God, we’re talking about a perfect being. So what if you looked in the mirror and you saw perfection looking back at you? In this verse it says “unveiled face”. This is talking about you at your most vulnerable, warts and all, including those secret bits that only you know about and keep hidden for fear of being totally rejected if anyone knew. You at your worst, looking in the mirror, and seeing perfection looking back at you.
Please humour me as I take this one step further and ask you to dare to contemplate this next thought.
What if there really was a Creator God, who created you? How much more meaning would this verse take on then? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, if it was really God ‘beholding’ you, looking back at you in the mirror, seeing you through His eyes and and telling you that you are enough, what would that mean for you?
For me, it means I am enough. Even the bits I don’t like serve a purpose. The second part of this verse says we are being transformed. Those not so nice bits that I don’t like can either motivate me to grow and learn or I can use them as an excuse to stay stuck. In other words, I could define myself by the bits about me I don’t like, or I could define myself by the positive bits and therefore move closer towards my potential.
What about you?
About the Author
SARINA ELDER
Sarina is a Writer with a passion for Making A Difference (MAD).
As a first generation Australian who struggled with cultural identity as a child, Sarina understands the importance of Being, Belonging, and Becoming as a fundamental need in all of us, regardless of age.
As a misunderstood Creative, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her adult years, Sarina is particularly passionate about supporting others to identify and release their Creative, or the Creative in their children, and to embrace the Neurodiversity that accompanies Creativity.
Sarina believes the best way to embrace ourselves is through laughter, and is open to sharing her own stories with the hope of encouraging others.